Germany: I'd like a taxi please and the phone is for you

(This is a re-post from a travel blog April 2008 - Germany)

It's a late cold night in Bielefeld, Germany, and Molly, Victor and I are visiting Peter at his room at the university. I am staying at a hotel near the train station, so I have to get back there before the public transportation closes. Victor left earlier, and, since this was already close to midnight, I figure I'd take a cab. I figured the cab would be warmer and faster than the 20 minute ride on the train. (Remember that: faster and warmer) Peter calls me a cab and we head outside. So far so good.

After spending about 15 minutes waiting outside, at midnight, freezing our tails off (do you see where this is heading yet?), Peter goes back in to check on what's up. When he returns, I find out this interesting tidbit of information. The name of this street in German is "Tomorrow street."

The call for the taxi order went something like this (translated of course). Oh, did I mention Peter doesn’t really speak German?

Peter: "I'd like a taxi please. Right now. For tomorrow street."
Taxi: “Taxi? Tomorrow?”
Peter: “Yes, right now. Tomorrow.”

Apparently the taxi dispatch didn't even bother to ask what time tomorrow, since he figured he was dealing with an idjot.

After a sufficient beating, Peter and I continue to wait outside. It's now been about 40 minutes. :)

Tired and cold Peter suggests we duck inside a building that has a view of the street and wait there to keep warm. It is a building, around the corner from his dormitory. As we climb up the front stairs, we hear a phone ringing. Strange, a phone ringing in an empty building. Peter jokes, “Hey, it’s for you.”

As we walk inside the front doors, there is a big foyer with a public telephone. Ringing. It’s dark. It's midnight-ish. There is no one. And this public phone is ringing. Maybe there is an emergency? Why else would someone call a pay phone in an empty building in the middle of the night? So I say to Peter, “maybe I should pick it up?” He says, “No, don’t.” Hmmm… I say “Well maybe it's the cab calling, maybe that's the main phone for the address or something.” Then we decide OK, we'll answer. After a minute of deliberation between a really broken German and good English, we decide to answer in English.

I pick up the phone (in English) "Hello?"
Victor’s voice answers (in Russian) “Ksenia?”
My jaw drops to the floor.
Me: "Who are you calling???”
Victor: “Peter, of course”

At that point I lose it. Peter is looking at me, like, WTF?

You have to understand this. Picture this if you will.. middle of the night, halfway across the world, dark hallway in a building with a public phone, ringing. We are thinking someone, in German, is calling about some emergency or some such. We deliberate whether to answer in German or English. And then, imagine the shock when the voice in the phone is not in German, but Russian, and it's Victor!

When the shock wears off, both Peter and I are overcome by uncontrollable fits of laughter. What the hell is he doing calling the pay phone? Somehow through the laugh tears, I manage to say into the phone "You are calling a pay phone!" Victor goes "What?!" .. but I can't say anything, my sides are hurting, and Peter looks like he had just wet himself, three times over. Finally, Victor, all pissed off, says "Fine. Bye." and hangs up. We never did find out why he called.

Meanwhile… on the other side of town, this is how things look from Victor’s end.

He gets to the hotel, and, being a considerate person that he is, decides to call Peter’s cell phone to let him know all is OK. So, Victor gets out his handy dandy list of emergency numbers, which he prepared for all of us prior to the trip. You see, Victor is a very consciencious traveler. Before going abroad, he compiles a list of emergency phone numbers, with locations and numbers of US consulates and people in the various countries he plans to visit. Very thoughtful!

So Victor asks the guy at the front desk to let him use the phone, gets on the phone, dials the number he has as Peter’s cell, with the guy watching, and then his two idjot friends are just laughing into the phone. They must’ve just had too much to drink, he thinks. And on top of that, his yelling "What?!" into the phone, freaks out the front desk guy, who then starts nervously asking all sorts of questions. This, in turn, freaks Victor out, and Victor hangs up.

And in case you were wondering why the pay phone, long long time ago, before Peter had a cell phone, he called Victor in the States from a nearby payphone. Chances are he gave Victor that phone number to call him right back. They wrote it down.. and that's the number that made it onto Victor’s handy dandy emergency contacts list. Imagine us calling that number in case of an emergency!

Anyway... the lesson learned is this: always carry Depends, because you never know when you are gonna pee your pants laughing in the middle of the night. Apparently, I kept laughing all through the night, even in my sleep.